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2003-10-01 - 3:01 a.m.

I HAVE PMS....NEED I SAY MORE????

For all of the times I have gone into a PMS rage and apologized for it......

yeah, it take it all back.

I am in the thralls of an estrogen induced "fuck you" high and frankly, I'm enjoying it. Usually at this time of the month, my brains become addled from the un-godly build up of fluid pressure in my head combined with the pharmacopia of pain relieving agents that I torture my system with for about a week or so. Not so this month, my little friends. Suddenly I find myself possessed with a certain clarity that I usually lack and said clarity has given me the opportunity to say "fuck you" to the people who annoy me. Literally. Three fuck you's today...and I feel good!

Let me first start by saying that "fuck you" number one belongs to She-who-shall-not-be-named who does not seem to understand that just because I am no longer employed in the outside world and receive a tangible paycheck, does not mean that I don't WORK. I would really love if I could sleep until noon, watch soap operas and stuff my face with ding dongs or ho-ho's or whatever as I watched my nanny care for my children, clean my house, wash the laundry, etc...

However, as this is not the case and I do everything myself (on duty 24/7 I might add) please refrain from showing up unannounced at my house because you called off from work AGAIN because you can not deal with the fact that you have opened up your stupid mouth over something petty and have caused yet another row with your boyfriend-but-I'm-not-allowed-to-call-him-my-boyfriend-because-he-really-doesn't-want-a-relationship. If you lose your head and do it anyway, remember that when you walk into my house as I'm washing clothes, feeding a child, have another child in the tub, trying to cook dinner, balance the checkbook and write out checks for bill paying while at the same time eating a cookie or a cracker or something because it's not almost five in the afternoon and I haven't eaten anything at all yet today don't ever ever say "can't you just stop what you're doing and talk to me? You can do that stuff later, when I leave, right now I need to talk....." yeah dumb ass.....fuck you......how's that for talking? Not to be rude, but for you people who are single and childless lemme give ya a clue: Just because someone is married does not mean that they have the magic answer to fix your relationship problems. Especially when you have the same fucking problem with the same fucking person for five fucking years and you don't fucking listen to the same fucking advice that like at least ten other fucking people have given you for the same amount of fucking years. Get it? Great!!!!!!!

The number two dickwad award goes to

someone-who-I-can-name.....Internet Brian. Brian is still at his crappy job awaiting to hear news of the not-so-crappy-job that he is still interviewing for. Yeah, that would be the one where I had to play internet fashion guru for like a million years because the 36 year old "man" (and I use the term loosely) can't dress himself. Anyway, as he still needs the paycheck from the crappy job, Brian had to re-organize the way that his department handled applications for new clients, who should receive the completed paperwork, who should sign off on it, which associate actually landed the new client (based on seniority and potential income earned by the employee based on how many hours the client was billed for) blah, blah, blah. After weeks of hard work on Brian's part, his supervisor ripped the whole plan to shreds and said that a few years back they had a similar plan in place that had failed miserably and that Brian would need to start all over again. He IM's me with his big sob story wanting to know how it could all have gone so wrong, and he thought that he had looked at the plan from every angle and it seemed fool-proof and waa waa waa. So trying to lighten things up I said "ahhh Brian, you have your own little MAGINOT LINE." And he was like "what the fuck are you talking about?" I thought he was joking around so I laughed (or lol'd or whatever) and he totally freaked out and went on this rampage of cursing and insults that I didn't want to read (but figured he was upset and needed to get it out) so I got up and walked away from the computer and the torrential downpour of tourette's-like potty mouth had lasted long enough for me to make a trip to the bathroom, warm up a bottle for Jack and make myself a bowl of cereal. I think I was about two spoonfuls in before he shut up. So I explained the Maginot Line to Brian who still didn't get the correlation to his own story so to simplify I said "let's just say it means that you had a big snafu. A blunder if you will. Sometimes the best laid plans.... and blah blah blah." And he was still pissed because he still didn't get it. Excuse me if they don't teach basic history in the public schools of New York. You're 36 dude, if you don't know what the Maginot Line is

a. don't take it out on me because you are stupid

b. you have a fucking computer, look it up. or better yet, go to the library and read about it, God knows it's not going to fucking hurt ya

The 3rd F.U. of the day belongs to the guy who walks his big ass dog down my street every day and lets it poop in my yard. Okay, it may still be a "field" technically, and my kids don't play down there yet, but still dude.....gross. Matt cuts the grass down there and I'm sure he doesn't look forward to getting sprayed in the kisser by some chopped up doggie dung while he's using the mower or the weed-whacker. I've told the guy more than once that we have purchased all of the vacant property and could he please not use it for Big Ass Dog's personal toilet and he smiles and waves up the street at me and says he sorry and he won't let it happen again and then low and behold....he comes back.

Maybe he's suffered an injury to the head or something and has been struck retarded. He's kind of old so maybe he's senile or has a touch of Alzheimer's (not OLDTIMER'S as some people that I know like to call it......BRIAN) so keeping this in mind, I cut the guy some slack tonight and told him to fuck off and keep his dog out of my fucking field when he was almost at the end of the street because I didn't want to be rude. Still, I DID say it out loud and even though he didn't hear me, I got some sort of satisfaction just from hearing the words.

And so concludes my PMS induced tirade. I'm sure that this entry not only does not make any sense, it's probably filled with all kind of grammatical errors and typos and shit that I'm not going to correct because I'm not in the proofreading kind of mood. I'm hopped up on every OTC pain-killer known to man, so you'll have to forgive me. And if you don't......fuck you too!

BOO-YA......that makes four!!!!!!!

Winds of Change - 2004-10-03
I'M EDDIE'S GIRL - 2003-10-05
NOT SO SLICK - 2003-10-02
I HAVE PMS....NEED I SAY MORE???? - 2003-10-01
GUESS WHO ALMOST CAME TO DINNER? - 2003-09-06

she said - she says

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